How to wash your hair. I'm serious.

Don't make fun. There is a scary lack-of-hair-upkeep epidemic out there and I'm just trying to do my part. There's frizzing and limpness and grease and all sorts. And most of your styling problems begin with the all-important wash. Will knowing how to wash your hair properly make you a better human being? Maybe not. But you know as well as I do that NOTHING makes you feel better, hotter, smarter or more desirable and productive than a perfect hair day. And as I've suggested before, please get blow-outs often. Even go to a styling school so you can get it for cheap. You will LITERALLY catapult yourself into a higher tax bracket when you have bouncier, shinier hair. It's like, a fact. When you can't rely on someone else's able hands to do it for you however, you might as well know the right way to do it yourself. There are right and wrong ways to do everything in this world. Be on the right side. Here's how:

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• shampoo, conditioner, hands

1. First, make sure you get your hair completely wet. Don't let an ounce of shampoo touch your dry hair--dry hair to shampoo is like a cat to wet...water? Something about how cats hate water. It didn't work. Fine. The point is, make sure your hair is soaking before shampooing.
2. Now squirt a quarter-sized dollop of shampoo into your hand and rub it around with your other hand. Start shampooing on the crown of your head and really massage the sides and top. Shampooing is really more about cleansing the scalp than it is about cleaning your actual hair. The more product you put on your hair (which is dead and doesn't really need to be washed) the more it will become limp and dry throughout the day.
3. The opposite theory applies to conditioner. You really are conditioning the hair, especially the ends, when you condition. So concentrate on the ends, and then work your way up. If you tend to be a greasy BETCH as I am, condition quite sparingly around your hairline.
4. The types of both shampoo and conditioner that you use depend entirely on your hair type, but I can tell you this: If you're willing to take a second mortgage out on your home, try Kerastase products. They have a line for every hair-type, all work beautifully, and everything smells amazingly good. Sometimes I smear their conditioner called Masquintense--the single, finest conditioner known to man--on my pulse points. No, seriously I do. I don't know if that illustrates the deliciousnes of the scent or a serious concern for my mental fitness, but in any case, try this stuff.

Tips & Warnings

• No matter what your hair type is, even extra dry and crispy, use a clarifying shampoo once a week. I like Neutrogena's.
• Use the coldest water you can stomach to rinse both your shampoo and conditioner. This will close the follicles which will lessen damage.